In response to the growing discontent that the recent European exit referendum has caused across Britain, Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has set out her plans for a second Scottish independence referendum bid which she feels will sort all those issues out.
In a report sent to Westminster, Miss Sturgeon highlighted that Scotland very clearly made its feelings known in the Brexit result and that “any government would be foolish to ignore the public’s wishes” from a vote.
Miss Sturgeon launched a scathing attack on the Conservative-led Westminster Government’s handling of Brexit, making a number of criticisms.
Firstly, she accused Westminster of nurturing a divisive atmosphere across Britain, and was quick to point out that at a time of economic, political and social uncertainty across the world, this was not the time to be separating long-established political unions.
She then went on to comment that the apparent lack of firm strategy of how Brexit would actually take place was laughable, highlighting a failing in the government to produce any tangible plans or any real evidence that Britain could indeed thrive on its own.
She was also highly critical of the figures that had been produced, commenting that they were overly optimistic at best and didn’t feel confident in pinning the country’s economic future on unproven figures. Political commentators have quipped that it would be like “pinning economic growth on the North Sea oil fields”.
She also noted that 18 months to sever deep-rooted political and cultural ties with Europe was a ludicrously short time scale and untenable.
Moreover, Miss Sturgeon was unforgiving to the Conservative government that they were out of touch with the electorate, being political opportunists only interested in their own political careers and disinterested in the longer-term implications for UK citizens. She also noted that Westminster had been very irresponsible with tax payers’ money in pursuing the Brexit agenda.
At Prime Minister’s questions, British Prime Minister Theresa May addressed Miss Sturgeon’s concerns. Mrs May began by questioning the legitimacy of Miss Sturgeon’s leadership, highlighting that she had only inherited her First Ministership from her predecessor and hadn’t actually been voted in through “due democratic process”, and therefore not in a position to be critical of anyone. She added: “It could only be worse if you had only become the party leader and therefore First Minister because everyone else dropped out of the contest”.
Mrs May went on to comment that “You Scotchies need to be mindful of your place in this union” and that “The Jocks have been a nuisance since the 1200s.” Mrs May issued a stern warning to Miss Sturgeon that if there was any more of this raucus behaviour from Holyrood, she would personally see to it that the petition to have Scotland removed from the United Kingdom would be enacted, which received some derisive giggling from the SNP MPs.
There were some perplexed expressions on some non-Scottish MPs’ faces for a few moments, until a government advisor produced a map of the UK and pointed out where Scotland was, after which the Commons were filled with some knowing “aahhh” sounds, and one MP was heard to say “Oh yes, I do recall Scotland from 2014, I knew I’d heard that word before”.
Hector Snodgrass, MP for Angus and the Mearns took the opportunity to rebuke Mrs May for her less than diplomatic comments on Scotland and reminded her that Bannockburn once took place, which caused the Commons to erupt into angry rabbling all round.
However, peace was once again restored when the House Speaker reminded everyone that this was a place of intellectual political discourse and not of throwing veiled insults at one another. Despite this, Mrs May was said to be “extremely irked” upon the discovery of a note which had been slipped into her briefcase advising her that “[her] maw was a welder”.
The Brexit vote has been a hot topic for Scotland, as the country voted more definitively against it than they did (“so cowardly”) against the first Independence Referendum. Many feel that the Brexit result and its repercussions is yet another piece of evidence that the democratic system in Britain is flawed and deliberately and adversely impacts only Scotland and no other parts of the UK.
In fact, the question of Brexit has reached a worldwide audience, with every country having their own interests in the outcome.
As the world shared a collective face-palm in November, President-Elect Donald Trump and his supporters proudly proclaimed “Brexit, Baby! Yeah!” in response to his victory. It’s very clear to see how one man winning the Presidential Election is relatable to a country severing political ties with a collective of other countries that has felt oppressive and controlling.
Many Scots hope that in the event of an Independence victory, they would be warmly welcomed into Europe again, and the European Commission has certainly suggested that Brits will be able to opt in for European citizenship.
In any event, during the negotiation process, it has been decided that a specially selected panel of representatives from each of the UK nations will be sent across to Brussels to present the concerns of non-Brexit voters. Sources indicate that members of the Tartan Army and the EDL are being hand picked as special ambassadors for their sterling work in representing their respective nations abroad.
Mariano Rajoy, the current Spanish President has expressed his discontent at the prospect of Scotland achieving Independence, highlighting that this would set a precedent for the fragmentation of other European Countries, and would lead to the dissolution of Spain.
In response, Miss Sturgeon decried Mr Rajoy for being a “Jealous Mr Longshanks”, and that separation from the rest of the UK made perfect sense because a centralised government in Westminster was geographically too far from Scotland to be able to adequately understand the needs of the electorate, and had been for the last 309 years.
She also took the opportunity to explain how the Spanish experience with their Armada in the 16th century was totally relatable to the failure of Scotland’s Darien Scheme, and how the common denominator was England, which Mr Rajoy took onboard and replied that “he’d never thought of it like that”.
When it was suggested Miss Sturgeon was a hypocrite because owing to their closer cultural links with Norway, the Northern Isles such as Orkney and Shetland wanted their own independence from Scotland (with its “centralised” government in Edinburgh), Miss Sturgeon made a heartfelt plea that this was a time for Scots to stick together with a united cause and to celebrate our similarities over our differences.
Later that day, a sign on the M9 pointing drivers to the Bannockburn visitor centre was given a quick clean.
Meanwhile, many people around the world are scratching their heads about this because they’ve still not grasped the concept that Great Britain is not simply another name for England.